Good afternoon. I’m Doctor Love, a clinical physician and human sexuality researcher. Your wife has asked me to examine you. It seems the two of you haven’t had satisfying sex in the entire duration of your marriage. Oh, you didn’t know it was unsatisfying for her? She certainly is a brave woman to keep such a painful secret from you for so long.
You see, she tells me that your penis is significantly below average in size. Perhaps you have a hormone imbalance that resulted in an undeveloped member. I’m going to have to watch you achieve an erection and bring yourself to orgasm to diagnose you properly. Please masturbate for me while I record some notes. Nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m a doctor. I’ve seen it all before . . .
Oh, dear. Oh my goodness. You really are small. I know I shouldn’t laugh, but . . . hahaha! You have such a tiny penis! Clinically, I just don’t know if I can do anything to save your marriage. You’re just too small!
